Saying goodbye to Granny

Merlene Maine Counts: May 8, 1935 – January 15, 2025

We lost Granny on January 15th y’all. Merlene Maine Counts was unlike any other. As my dad was stationed away in the military, she was my mum’s birthing partner, and later took care of me for a little while as a baby when my mum got too sick to do so. She always told me she felt like I was her baby, not just her gran-baby, and she made sure to make me feel it too. We had our secret winks in rooms full of people. I’ve lost my person and my biggest champion. Everything I do right now seems coloured by grief. She’d say, “You don’t need anyone do you baby, cuz you’re a Maine,” but turns out I need her more than I ever knew. I got my laugh from her, my bravery, my big forehead and my big open heart. When I moved out of her place in Georgia to move to upstate New York in 2019 she told me I could always come home, and I know she meant to her, no matter where she was. Now it feels like a place I’ll never get to, but somehow it’s also everywhere. And I know one day I’ll look in the mirror and see her reflected back at me.

As we drove behind the hearse on the way to the cemetery where my grandpa Maine has been waiting 34 years for her, cars, pick-ups and huge trucks pulled over, not just on our side of a four lane divided highway, but on the opposite side too. Merlene truly knew how to stop traffic.

I had the honour of writing her obituary, and my family—too raw to do it themselves—asked me to speak of behalf of all of us at her funeral. I’ve shared both here because I want to spread her life and her joy but also as a reminder to call your granny. Say hello and let her know you’re thinking of her. Sit down and visit a while.

OBITUARY

Merlene Maine Counts, 89, passed away at Satilla Bluffs on January 15 2025, surrounded by the many who loved and cherished her. The strongest of the steel magnolias, she was a passionate, faithful Christian, a devoted wife and mother, a nurturing grandmother and a warm, generous neighbor to all. Merlene truly knew that it was more blessed to give than to receive, and she became a matriarch for anyone seeking the refuge of home, in shelter or in spirit.

She was born on May 8, 1935 in Pearson, Georgia to Beryl O Williams and Mildred Smith, and lived most of her adult life in Waycross, GA. She was preceded in death by her first great love and father of her children, James Curlon Maine (m. 1956 – 1991); husband Howard Cook (m. 1993 - 2003) and husband Audie Counts (m. 2005 - 2019). She adored and cared for these men until their heavenly departures, her commitment unwavering and ever-true. She was also predeceased by brothers Neil Williams and Jesse S Smith Jr, and best friend and baby sister, Maxine Smith.

Merlene loved to sing, and regularly attended service and choir at Jamestown Baptist Church. If it was “Amazing Grace,” she sang the loudest, bright shining as the sun. Merlene was known for her strong southern will, her infectious, soaring laugh and nicknaming anyone who came into her life “baby.” If you needed love and support, she had plenty to offer––and she’d do it all without a hair out of place.

Merlene is survived by her children, Robert Maine, Deborah Maine Mock and Mark Counts; daughter-in-law Josette Maine, son-in-law Kenneth Mock and daughter-in law Kim Counts; brother Gerald Williams and sister-in-law Genie Williams; sister-in-law Sue Smith; grandchildren Aaron Maine (and wife Rachael), Samantha Maine, Ashley Stewart (and husband Drew), Ian Counts, KC Mock, Kristopher Mock and honorary grandson Jimmy Clark; and great-grandchildren Elijah Maine, Maximus Maine, Harley Mock and Anakin Mock and several nieces and nephews.

Service for Merlene will take place at Jamestown Baptist Church in Waycross, GA on Saturday 18 January, beginning with a viewing at 1pm and handled by Relihan Funeral Home in Pearson, GA. She will be buried at Arna Primitive Baptist Church, next to her Curlon.

SERVICE SPEECH

Thank you all so much for being here to celebrate Merlene’s life. My family and I could never get through this time without your support, abundance of food, and heartfelt condolences, prayers and well wishes. Merlene would be so proud of how you’re taking care of us.

And I apologise if you can’t understand my accent. Unfortunately there won’t be subtitles but if you’d like a translation, you can ask my dad Robert.

So, how do we summarize someone like Merlene Maine Counts? Well, like Clairee says in one of my favourite movies Steel Magnolias, she was simply “too colourful for words” but I will try my best to speak of her tenacious, beautiful soul. First and foremost she was a mother to Robert and Deborah. She was the kind of person who was born to be a mother: selfless, devoted, and practically bursting at the seams with love and affection. She was always ready to lay down the law too, like making my dad––when he was around 8 years old––pick pecans even when the Bulldogs were playing (she did finally let him go watch them in the second half). She was fiercely supportive of their dreams, and watched proudly as they achieved them time and again. What I hope she realized is that without the foundation she built for them, brick-by-brick and hug-by-hug, they would not be the brave, tender-hearted, quick-smart people they are today. Those who have witnessed the care they have given her in her final years, especially Deborah, know this to be true. To be a child of Merlene is to be truly blessed.

As her granddaughter I know that blessing very well, as does my brother Aaron and my cousin Ashley. The three of us are all part of military families which meant our visits were sometimes few and far-between, but when we could all be together, she made sure to make it extra special; even if that meant putting up the Christmas tree and decorations in the middle of a boiling-hot July. “What do you want for Christmas?” she’d ask me and when I said I didn’t need anything, she’d say: “I didn’t ask you what you needed, I asked you what you wanted!” Granny was a person who made sure her gran-babies were spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. We protested but she could never give us enough.

I can still hear her talking on the phone with her best friend and baby sister Maxine; I can hear her singing along to the hymns on TV, asking me to put the volume up so loud to make sure the Lord Himself could hear her; I can see her sitting next to me, eating butter pecan ice cream as we watched just one more Hallmark channel movie; I can hear her asking me to fix her hair in-between beauty shop visits because as we all know, Merlene made sure to always look her best. Her closet was full of gorgeous, colour-coordinated outfits, and she requested that my aunt Deborah made sure to get her a red walker, NOT a black one. She was a beauty queen and a true Southern belle, both inside and out.

The thing I most remember though, is her ability to build a connection with just about anyone. In the days since her passing, I have been stopped by so many people telling me just how much they adored her. She invited people into her home, she asked them questions, she remembered every name and every detail. She always wanted to know how you were doing and if you asked her, it was always an upbeat “I’m doing great!” She was someone who chose to be happy. She became fast friends with her neighbor and my honorary cousin Jimmy Clark, and each time he’d visit she’d be sure to let him know that she thought of him as her own. She wholeheartedly embraced new family without a second thought: Deborah’s husband Kenneth Mock and his children and grandchildren; Ashley’s husband Drew; my mother Josette; my brother’s wife Rachael and their children Elijah and Maximus; and Mark Counts, the son of her late husband Audie Counts, along with his wife Kim and son Ian. If Merlene was in your life, you had a bonus mom, or an extra granny or a new best friend––whether you needed it or not.

She knew that it was in our families, our friends and our neighbors that we find joy and resilience; that it is with community that we learn to see the light in the everyday. She left us all with so many stories, so we must enjoy them, live in them and share them widely. I think the world is held together by these invisible chains of memory.

So here’s one story I will leave you with. In 1972, standing on the banks of a river in Atkinson county, Merlene watched as her first husband and great love Curlon Maine was baptized. She cried and cried, smiling through her tears of immense joy. As he stepped out of the water, she handed a tiny Deborah to her big brother Robert, and stepped into that same river, rejoicing in the Lord’s love. On January 15 of this year, Merlene heard the Lord’s call, and she took His hand and stepped once again into that water. A river always has a destination, so let us cry tears of joy for her today, for Merlene is finally home.